the silent giraffe

"i wish i could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness the astonishing light of your own being."

2011-11-16T23:53:00.010-05:00

devil wants a piggy back

when your only happy thought is the end

and all the snakes promise that they're your friend

even after you've won, confusion contends

and there's a pile of letters you're too sad to send

you know that there's been some kind of mistake

and no truth to enjoy in your sleep or your wake

it seems peaceful in the middle of the lake

away from where waves ceaselessly break

when the devil on your back is too heavy to hold

and he says that it's warm but you only feel cold

you're dying to go all-in and he grins and shouts, "fold!"

and what he calls fresh looks to you just like mould

you can't trick yourself into being okay

the deafening silence cannot lead the way

following the norm is a waste of a day

you know that there's only one thing you can say

it starts with an 'f' and it ends with a 'k'

you see in the middle but outside is grey

now all you can do is just let it all happen

clench both your fists and get your toes tappin'

"Let the joyous news be spread/The wicked old witch, at last, is dead!"

2010-11-25T09:45:00.007-05:00

my name won't be spelt wrong ever again

In death, there are such fickle and hollow formalities

Better judgment is suffocated by sentimentalities

Suddenly fists and nasty words turn into hearts and kisses

And the abuser is someone everyone suddenly misses

The weight of the confusion makes us fold like paper

And the truth of events past are as intangible as vapour

Everyone seems to forget the wrath once contained

In a body, now defenseless, lying rightfully restrained

The piercing reminder that there is an ending to all life

Puts a rose in the hand that usually holds a sharp knife

All of those flakey condolences and guilt-ridden emotions

Magically turn foul-smelling swamps into crystal blue oceans

Well,

I will defy the hushes that may be intrigued to reprimand me

And have the nerve to tell me to show some respect

For a person who poisoned an otherwise good family

In every single memory I can recollect

I refuse to bow my head in silence and pretend to mourn

Or act as though the pages of history are erased and torn

Instead I'll celebrate the corrections, not easily made

And cycles that were halted by the ones brought up afraid

No rose will replace the firm grip I have on my sword

And for all the venom, I assure you, I will give no reward

Not another tear will fall from my fair mother's face

This scratchy, rough wool has turned into soft lace

Hooray! The legacy of cold bitterness has been put to rest

The piss and vinegar can no longer get up and get dressed

Our wounds need not anticipate the salt she often poured

And the sugar she made pies with will fool strangers no more

The rivers of scorn flowing through her veins has now ceased

The little girl who was mocked and beaten now shall be released

The oppressor has been slain by the same thing she often stole

And I won't be duped into thinking her heart was more than coal

So romanticize the past, dear sibling, if you must!

Stand your ground from across the sea, away from falling dust

Your high horse awaits you in the unjust World of Delusion

I locked the Door of Guilt, so there will be no more intrusions

"Snakes never bite above ankle." - Astrid Magnussen

2010-09-14T21:00:00.007-04:00

fertility born of instability

There is only one fist that can penetrate my chest

Only one hand that can squeeze it so

There is only one mouth that can bring me down

So low I don’t know where to go

Equal parts empathy and disgust

Hard as rocks and frail as dust

Someone I can always trust

Strong as steel about to rust

She provides the bullet and the ambulance

The clarity and the awful trance

The joy that makes me jump and dance

Predetermination and a chance

She is the fight I always have to lose

The hope I always have to have

The cut that just won’t heal or bruise

The ointment I need for the scab

She is the child that refuses to eat

The mercy-hungry sinner

The priest who enjoys red meat

Advanced as a beginner

Though I love her more than life

It is only out of self-respect

That I refuse the pain and the strife

Born of her mind’s self-neglect

I wish she was never hurt

So that she wouldn't hurt me

But oleanders need dirt and

I can defeat what's hereditary

"Even a palace can be a prison." -from the film The Young Victoria

2010-08-28T21:06:00.014-04:00

who i'm not

I am not my Mother

I have no son

I like to walk

Not to run

My sister, so far

My brother, so gone

My Father is always

tending the lawn

My grandma, who's that?

My uncle is dead

My hair is brown

but I dyed it red

The abuse that tears

And branches out

Trickles down

into new sprouts

The forms it Holds

The levels of pain

Wishing these tracks

derailed this train

Grandpa, killed

When Mother was seven

Surely there isn't

any real heaven

Dad's dad swung

His fists and his belt

Through the stories

the bruises, I felt

Not just my own blood

But my friends and kin

They were wrong to think

I wouldn't feel their pins

Manic labels

Pills cure all

Being old doesn't mean

you don't have to crawl

My soul is so tired

Of judgment and minds

Who think they know

my thoughts, my Kind

I was born happy

But now I'm weary

Of selfish logic

And crooked theories

That vicious animal

That is me

Hateful with people

Peaceful in trees

Salivating, I hunt

Looking for loyalty

I am the Tiger

Aware of my royalty

I am my own

Separate from them

My muscles burn

No longer condemned

Free, I'll be

From bitter love

I don't need to hurt

Because they're smug

And they'll be angry

And confused

But I am not

anyone's muse

I'm only sorry

They didn't listen

When I was honest

in my admissions

It isn't that

They weren't there

It was sad priorities

and how they cared

Not one could ever

Look me in the eye

To tell me with love

That I can fly

Only pressure

Holding me down

Telling me not

to be who I found

I was always me

They just didn't know

How to catch my drift

and the breeze it blows

I find myself Lush

Up, up, I'm growing

Even without

My own knowing

So I'll say thank you

The weight helped me rise

Now I live

Way up in the sky

I'm just not sure

How to love people

Stuck in hierarchy

Stuck in steeples

I can't reach down

To meet them halfway

They'll pull out my roots

Then I'll decay

I tried Good-bye

It didn't work

So away, away, away

I'll lurk

Don't be surprised

When I am missing

If you weren't kind

I'm finished wishing

Up in the sky

I'm so blue

My soul is alone

But at least it's True

______________________

"I'm pulling my questions from my shelf

I'm asking forgiveness

I ain't asking nobody but myself

And I want you to know this

You're rifling through a box of toys

That were handed down to me

Just take all the ones you want and then

Give the rest to my family

I'm going to go back to school today

But I'm dropping myself off

I'm throwing the childhood scenes away

I'm through ripping myself off

I'm done ripping myself off"

-Broken Boy Soldier by The Raconteurs

secretly, you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you?

2010-07-29T21:44:00.003-04:00

"and if death should smell my breathing/as it pass beneath my window/let it lead me trembling, trembling/i own every bell that tolls me" -Neko Case

2010-07-17T02:27:00.010-04:00

thin waves of argentina

some mist between my joints

some fingers on my pressure points

i will not sit down with you,

lusty old man in blue

i can see your history on your hands

your eyes reflect your lands

i will give you courtesies

that you do not give me

and that is forever your curse

it's the weight of your thirst

and the filth under your nails

all of a sudden, you turn pale

it's all in how you can't figure out what's worse

the front seat or the trunk of the hearse

and oh, how palpable, the things i've lost

what could be better than a good frost?

they are closer now than they ever were

ah, happiness is such a blur

when i had them in my fists, i wasn't on track

it doesn't really matter what you plan to pack

i'm easier to find than a cure

all that you find dirty is pure

i love with my whole heart

i know how to stop what starts

you don't haunt me anymore

you silly, silly whore

i turned him into a king

and made you a bore

"If morality represents how people would like the world to work, then economics shows how it actually does work." Levitt & Dubner

2010-04-26T12:34:00.021-04:00

Indigestion Questions

Is it ignorant to be happy and condescending to be gay?

Do you wish you were wired and cut out a different way?

Are you satisfied to point fingers and shy to new love?

Are courage, soul and loyalty things that you're made of?

Did you know that your life is something your mind made up?

Did you know that stress can burn a hole right in your gut?

Would you take the money if it meant losing your own essence?

Does the boogie man and Jesus taunt you with their presence?

Have you ever slid down a lush, damp, green hill of grass?

Is the only thing well-rounded about you your ass?

Did God make you special and sprinkle you with magical dust?

Would you leave everything you love for a little bit of lust?

Did you know that your stomach is only as big as your fist?

And if you stretch it, you'll get really fat, even around your wrists?

Are women pre-programmed to be vicious and ruthless to each other?

Can I see you next Tuesday if I accidentally slap your mother?

When you wake up in the morning are you grumpy or glad?

Is fascination only something you once had?

Do you feel offended and are you willing to get all heated

if I spit at your feet and say that you cheated?

Is your life full of useless responsibility and empty tasks?

Do you feel bogged down and burdened when someone asks:

How are you doing? Or, How are you feeling today?

Do you feel like saying, "Fuck off you chimp" or "Go Away!"?

Are we all here because those kids are playing a trick on us?

You know, the ones in space riding the Magic School Bus?

Will solar flares penetrate our atmosphere and destroy all we are?

Will they devour the satellite system and slam us into the stars?

Does every single person on this planet deserve my kindness?

Should I be nicer to people who are boring, petty and mindless?

Can't we all agree about simple things like basic right and wrong?

Or that you should have higher pants if you're going to wear a thong?

Are you that narcissistic to think that the dead want to talk to you?

Don't you think that they deserve to now have better things to do?

If energy is never created or destroyed in this sweet world of ours,

Where do I go when my body ends all of it's hours?

Is family "family" when they turn their backs and cower in silence?

When my siblings are passive aggressive should I resort to violence?

Is selfishness the most disgusting trait known to man?

What if Obama, personally, shot every member of the Ku Klux Klan?

Do you hold your purse tighter when you pass someone who is Black?

Or grind your teeth when Muslims say: "No Christmas! We'll attack!"?

Does multi-culturalism promote tolerance or spiteful segregation?

Are you ever stupefied as to how some leaders got to lead our nations?

Isn't it amazing how humans populate the earth exactly like a virus?

And the first part of us that automatically shuts out light is the iris?

Should priests be allowed to fuck as badly as suits need to fist fight?

Can we make a rule that wars should only be fought by hand and at night?

Can I punch you in the throat if you bother me again?

Will you ever pull your head out of your ass and if so, when?

Did you know that I am the most optimistic person that you'll ever meet?

Would you only develop a desire to run if I cut off your feet?

Is it good that we remember to talk to God but forget to listen to each other?

Is it bad that Taylor Swift makes me dry heave, choke and shudder?

Do we owe it to our ancestors to make something of ourselves?

Is it true that small people are not Santa Claus's elves?

"if you're looking for hot water, don't get shocked when you get burned a little bit." jack white

2010-04-18T23:30:00.008-04:00

place your bets in my steps

we all understand the world with wine at our lips

see all the represents you: money, mind and chips

stack them high and be risky when you gamble

be quiet, play the game, no one likes it when you ramble

the morning sun is still and my world dips toward it

i still remember your firm hand and how i couldn't reward it

the moon bled across the lake and we drank every drop

re-writing history by taking photos at the field, to the crop

and how do i feel now that i am happy and fulfilled?

nevermind, but is this state something that i willed?

to feel such clarity with every midnight's coming and passing

when i used to run the city wild, driving fast and crashing

am i living meaningful now that i'm harmless atop my shelf?

now that i have taken that opportunity and distanced myself?

because now i see the real challenge of life while awake

trying not to fuck things up despite the temptations i take

the true struggle of life is silent and heartless and strict

it doesn't tell you it's coming or which bone it's going to pick

it glares at you, mockingly, knowing that you'll fail

you'll never know the wind 'til the day you try to sail

i know that i am the poison that taints every glass

i know that i am the burden that comforts days passed

so it is out of consideration that i say such quick goodbyes

it's hard to love someone who pinpoints all the lies

"been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding/the cretins cloning and feeding..." -lit

2010-02-02T19:47:00.016-05:00

hell is grey

everyday i'm surrounded

by idiots galore

i forget that i am here to pull

myself up off the floor

i beat myself up when i hate them

for saying what they need to say

all i want is to serve their heads

up on a golden tray

gossip probably gets me worse

than any of their tricks

or maybe it's when their jokes are lame

and they pull me into the mix

as hard as i try to be tolerant,

compassionate and sweet

there seems to be nothing i can do

to fathom our soul's meet

i can't believe that i'm the same species as them

or maybe they're just a test

wrapped up in labels, smells and gems

until i manifest

the rage that flows out of me

gives me quite a fright

all i can do, while i'm here

is anticipate the night

so pray for me, that i may gain

the wisdom and power to overcome

and ill pray for them, a prayer true

that they refrain from being so dumb

"if you don't ask the question i won't tell the lie." -robyn

2010-01-23T00:12:00.007-05:00

my best friends

when a crow gets hit

by a car

there are always other crows

that will come

and protect

the dead carcass

the more intelligent birds

become violent

towards

anything that tries to

get close

to their lost friend

while the

confused crows seem to

only hear themselves

while they

hold up and

direct traffic

my dog is dead

and she was a better

friend to me than

most people

in my past were

and it makes me

real violent

to think of the time i took

to be there for them

and to visit them

and to talk with them

when they

were at a loss

it makes me sick to think

of how naive i was

to mistake their selfishness

with depth of spirit

and

i hope that they're satisfied

to be drunk

all their lives

and numb when they're

sober

i hope that there are eyes

that reward

the friendship

my dog gave me

because there are

no eyes here

and

no way or means

to be rid of the

scum that plugs up

all of these streets

and definitely no chance

of delaying the deaths

of everything

i love

but i am blessed that

i am without my past and

i am grateful that fickle

things wither away

and though it hurts

most of all

i am happy that my sweet pup

is no longer suffering

“your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -rumi

2009-12-30T00:01:00.006-05:00

the false glory in purgatory

a flowing, luminescent hearth

embodying hope

tears

through my soul

when i can't cope

like angels who pick us out

of the ditches we dig

reminding us

we're so small even though our

imaginations are big

there is nothing that i can

prove

with texts and manipulation and hypothesis

conviction is the

most limited instrument

in the language of our species

so watch my hands and

see the atoms

they cut through

a sky is a roof is a skull and

it's all glue

the network

the white light

walk through

the grey-ness is only this world

painful, endless blue

and it is our actions

which determine

where we'll be next

inactive good intentions may

have you

chasing a cyclical hex

it's all there,

i can see it now

misery is a demon's

plaything

happiness may be learned

with gratitude

so try to

hear your

heart sing

"i, too, am covered in thorns." -rumi

2009-12-17T15:09:00.009-05:00

to brace

you were blessed with the ability to control certain things

so forget about the things you cannot

even though you feel tangled in a web of hopelessness

just remember you're found when you're caught

i can see it in your eyes, your desires make you ache

but they aren't things that can be bought

know that the integrity of true emotion can stand alone

even if you think your whole being isn't worth a lot

i insist that you replace your desires with appreciation

and your demons in satin with angels in silk

drink not from the cup of negativity, guilt and sadness

you won't find what you need in mother's milk

instead, just remember the music that flows from you

you can break the loneliness if you just listen to yourself

recognize that your life is only a test and you will see

a door open and welcome you in, if you choose health

"if love is a cult we are all believers; cruel, passionate underachievers. kiss the enemy, kill the redeemer!"

2009-12-05T00:39:00.007-05:00

sister down

it wasn't my time then, it's not my time now

stuck between the sheets of the past and the how

i smell your sweat and i can taste your pain

beneath the laughing and the gloating of gain

i hear your voice like a bell in a steeple

i see your face on the heads of other people

i am sure i know exactly the route you stride along

my brain is an orchestra i can see but hear wrong

tangible friendships monopolized by computers

mysterious strangers are not tame commuters

i'm not sure where bubbles go when they pop

im not sure when the wheels in me will stop

music almost hurts when it hits my heart

i don't remember the beginning so i can't start

the end is near and it brings me peace

i have the same spirit but it has a deep crease

so i get the juice and it feels good to me

but i get anti-social, most definitely

my preference is to go home and listen to my own

hearing my music all alone

it makes me happy

(how many times have you thought of me

when you were intoxicated?)

"those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night"

2009-10-16T21:09:00.006-04:00

his tragic magic

the earth is a heartbeat and

my mother is the hearth

my father reflects the galaxy

when death becomes birth

my ancient brothers and sisters

echo deep in my bones

their ghosts are out swaying

attached to their moans

chants cause earthquakes and

water floods where it breaks

you are only one stream that

feeds all of our great lakes

volcanoes ignite the magic

of our dreams and of our days

the night sky is the backdrop

in a theatre where he prays

hoping to god that he won't bruise

from any miscalculated regrets

gently, his mother asks again,

"do you think i'm pretty yet?"

"tomorrow's no burden, time can be overcome"

2009-09-07T21:27:00.008-04:00

sand dunes and fumes

i saw your face reflecting off the sidewalk blocks

your eyes were granite and your flaws were rocks

illuminated by orange clouds as the gauze unwound

yes, you were flawed but you could listen like a hound

they were orange because of the city lights shooting

jumping up to greet them, we were kissing and looting

at midnight and at one a.m., please pass me my pen

i'm about to boil over and melt an alchemist's gem

and bundles of ratted hair roll down across your cracked complexion

when we were so far beyond each other's tastes and perception

i tried to ask you how to get out of this long, dirty alley

i tried to show you the mountains from the flooded valley

you are my engine but you can't take the wheel or peel my tires

rings fit and seatbelts stretch but wires spark and start our fire

"you deserve to have good things happen to you"

2009-08-26T01:39:00.017-04:00

move

for lila

the trailing chirps from a cricket

floating downstream

on a lilypad

on perfectly clear water

and the ripples that meander

around him

the drops that jump

and all the motion

is my ghost

and i'm scared to stop

and look around

yet i smile reverently for myself

and for you

as we frame every scene

and still somehow manage to

admire all that is ugly

there is no waiting in happiness

and no stillness in truth

it is not necessary to be useless

but not useless to be sad

i feel the swing vividly

and choose courage

we are not just a fragment of

a whole

we are the whole thing

even if we're constant grievers

when i move

and when i'm still

i know which to do and when

because i receive directions

from deep in my guts

straight from

one of many

divine wells

maybe we keep bleeding

for the warmth

or maybe we do it

because our curse is our poor memories

we forget we're alive

we forget our bodies are finite

so let's tenderly rip apart passion and love

and deeds undone

now we're builders

you and i, sweet angel

"your heart can't grieve what your mind can't see/

still, you were my favourite moment of our dead century"

-tv on the radio

then we are together

2009-07-29T00:47:00.006-04:00

wine

do you know why adults tilt their heads slightly,

widen their eyes and sigh at young creatures?

they're sorry for the madness they know they'll endure

and they feel they need to be very important teachers

they forget how fun it is to fuck-up and enjoy

and not care about the effects or the aftermath

they forget how good it feels to get dirty

without worrying about cuts stinging in the bath

and the heart is a muscle that lifts invisible weights

it doesn't need to be a certain size or shape

it is priceless and if you decide to smush it

that will only make it precious, like a fine grape

"when you make love to a woman you get revenge for all the things you failed at in life"

2009-07-28T23:11:00.007-04:00

dying in the northern wilderness

he was a wounded

deer

enveloped by and

burrowing in

the soft, sparkling

snow

falling tenderly around him

it was quiet beyond the northern wind's howl

his skin was as pale as

pearl

and his lips were like

cherries

i couldn't help but

watch him suffer

he was ice

i was aurora borealis

we only stare

"it's hard to fly with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys"

2009-07-26T22:37:00.007-04:00

she's so jealous

the old-me sits on my lap

dead and cut up

in the driver's seat

of an eighteen wheeler transport truck

going one hundred and eighty kilometers an hour

down a very steep hill

i can't see that well

she flops side to side

i want to throw her out the window

but that's not a proper burial and

i'm not willing to give my heart to someone

who doesn't know what to do with it

"happiness must be free to fly away"

2009-07-14T19:11:00.011-04:00

the tiger moth

be it not the jungle's will for the noble tiger's claws to kill?

what if you want to sail the sea when you're meant to live up a hill?

tight muscles covered by a rug lure me closer to the ditch mom dug

and yes, i know i should care but i find myself stuck in a shrug.

is this great oak not just a fickle joke,

like the truck that broke in a desert of smoke?

when i packed her lessons deep in it's trunk

and slashed the tires with a branch and a skunk?

how disarming is triumph supposed to be?

is it powerful enough to turn me into that tree?

will her lessons evaporate and push the damn truck

if i run away yelling, "i don't give a fuck"?

if your own blood can't see you or pushes you away

is it better to bleed it than fix it and stay?

when you know that you're wild and longing to roar

is it wrong to grow wings and live near a shore?

it is fascination that keeps me somber and still

and will that cleanses and aids me when ill,

and yet,

the things that are meant to keep me strong and dry

turn me into a striped moth singing a lullaby.

she ceased and rolled her shady clouds into the secret place

2009-07-07T14:48:00.015-04:00

where are you?

a gain came quick and quick came loss

i am stuck, deep, under a heavy, thick moss

i gave hope the cold shoulder and a sharp toss

spit on it's offering and nailed it to a cross

what's not here is much too loud

too cold, too sharp, too bright and proud

you once shone through the pasty crowd

but now you're just an elusive cloud

i have an infinite, aimless clue

always pushing me to do what i ought to do

it stirred me into a tasteless stew

numb are my nerves as you swallow and chew

in my body wanders a haggard troll

his footsteps echo and lose control

he clings onto my organs and soul

but what can i do? i can't pay the toll

this small town has hands and arms

the kind that pop out of bushes with charms

they cut through my skull and unscrew

the screws that help me get by and through

i want to give all my goods to you

but the blues sprayed me with hot glue

so just let me stare at the clock

and please, sir, don't forget to knock

if worrying be the language of the defeatists, you can call me a low down dirty doggin' elitist

2009-06-21T23:39:00.015-04:00

samsara riviera

why did you bring me back

to start from scratch?

strike my chords with a

phoenix match

slow down to catch up and

snails don't hatch

cocaine membrane

i need an eye patch

'cause i ripped one out with

a volcano's fury

didn't need it anyway

i saw all blurry

you brought me back to live again

told me what, not how or when

gave me suicide and a pen

a lot of love and no fit men

a brain that sinks and skips the beats

misses cues and takes big leaps

white skin that burns and burns and seeps

a sheepish voice, fingers that creep

so many jokes i don't find funny

doctor, i don't have any money

my bread is soggy, my eggs are runny

i'm sorry i'm not happy when it's sunny

i try to stay in the present time

with big dreams in the back of my mind

old men grab me, they try to grind

they want to pay to tap my behind

i am absolutely full of regret

ready to take back all my bets

give me trials, give me them sweats

i'd swallow the fuel from all those jets

those flights i took so far away

hoping someone would miss my ways

at least a face to shine a ray

there's only crowds in stacks of hay

and no one missed me

i made no mark

left no impression and no spark

carved no one's names on no oak's bark

only empty wine bottles in the park

i have lost the ability to fall in lust

a gust of wind took my whole trust

my heart is punk, it's full of puss

and i will squirt you with it, if i must

stuck in a 1950's french film not yet made

2009-06-01T16:34:00.003-04:00

heavenly hosts

there is a stampede of rats

coming down the corridors

they are running away

from the barren farm

everybody screams

and jumps

trying to grab an angel's hand

or some invisible monkey bar

to lift them up

their calf muscles spring their skeletons

into the air

for a few feet, anyway

and then they come down

hard

and rat guts squirt into their eyes

i know to just

stand still and

grind my teeth

and

press my eyelids together

feeling little claws scamper

across my feet and

ankles

until it's over

send and receive

2009-05-15T12:27:00.008-04:00

Overlook the Crook and Pardon the Jargon

i am the blind man sitting in a rocking chair

in front of my 1980's apartment complex

with an FM radio in my lap that doesn't know

how to play the blues

weary of songs about seeing clear skies,

studying a woman's curves, and telescopes magnifying

starry harvest moons

i am the old lady trying to walk up a steep hill

with a crooked cane gripped by my cold,

clammy hands

feeling the wind pass behind the joggers

who go by, after years of strain, justifications,

heartbreak and child-bearing

i am the addict, always hungry for more

with my hands folded but still waiting, craving

quietly in my anguish, to receive

smelling the baker's early morning batch

too ugly and dirty to go inside and too full of

self-doubt to give myself a chance

i am the schizophrenic, never sure which part

of the story i made up and which part

actually happened

scribbling the words of tomorrow's crossword

in perfect succession on a blank sheet and

painting pictures of natural disasters

weeks before they occur

i am the neglected child of every generation

who never learned how to read and still

i stare at every letter of every poem

and i don't know what similes or metaphors are

but i feel more harshly than any scholar

what the author meant, because i was there in that ghetto

where he wrote it

i am the newborn with nerve damage

who doesn't cry in pain as tumors wrap

themselves around my organs like strangling vines

being cradled by a father who can't let me go

who makes funny faces with his moustache,

laughing and decaying at the same time

i am the crippled lover who can't work and

can't afford the engagement ring,

with my boney fingers pressed up against

the glass casings of jewels

and i'm stronger than any fit man

to lift the weight of a beating heart of gold

fuck it!

2009-05-03T23:01:00.001-04:00

Playing Solitaire with a Millionaire

I woke up despondent, I couldn't find my mind

I played the blame game with all of mankind

I was shot down by Love, he left me right blind

So I made up a potion that helped me unwind

The potency of this drink was beyond all compare

I entered his brains and fell down every stair

His sadness ate me, I was struggling for air

I slipped into a coma, all flats and no spare

I dreamt I was the daughter of Poetic Mathematics

Even without face, it's beauty was traumatic

I was then put in charge of Operation Erratic

Directions: "Scare males away by being dramatic!"

"But I love men," I said, "I want one for myself."

"No no, my dear, you only want wealth."

"On the contrary, Great One, I only want health

Please force one to pick me up off the shelf."

"Simple lost woman, your home is not earth

Sweet Mother, we found other ways to give birth..."

"But..."

"Yes, yes, we all know your heart is the hearth

But please just go, you haven't got any worth"

So off I went into the lonely forests and fields

Climbing through vines and breaking my shields

My body gets worn and I lose self-esteem

But no animal minds if I shake or I scream

I scavenge for berries and my hair grows long

Grinding my teeth to the tune of a love song

Generations long past tell me to stay strong

One day I'll find a place where I can belong

Long after I die

Long after I'm wrong

Yes, One Day I'll find a place to belong

************************************************

2009-05-01T22:49:00.000-04:00

HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLSHIT PEOPLE
by Carly Marie McFadden

DEFINITION: Bullshit Person (noun ~ [bool-sheet puhr-sun])

1. A Bullshit person is an individual who fails to Keep It Real on a regular basis. Keeping It Real includes being considerate, mature, truthful, reliable, empathetic, respectful, confident and enjoyable to be around. Bullshitters are inconsiderate, immature, untruthful, unreliable, dismissive, disrespectful, insecure and uncomfortable to be around

2. A person that thinks they are funny, but are not

3. A frivolous individual who is incapable of seeing true beauty or believing in anything positive

SYNONYMS: brute, fool, idiot, jerk, nincompoop, ninny, oaf, rascal

ANTONYM: a Person who Keeps It Real.

__________________________________________________

RULE#1: Do not get frustrated with Bullshit People.

The first sign that you are talking to a Bullshit Person is that you'll find yourself frustrated with them before you even come to care about them. They will frustrate you because they'll make issues out of thin air and then act like nothing is wrong. To speak metaphorically, they take poop and spray paint it gold and put sparkles on it and then give it to you as a gift and then congratulate themselves for being so generous. Or worse, they will say something that will hit you like a dagger and then claim that they were just joking. This is a tactic used by a lot of people to mindfuck and trick another person into thinking about them romantically. It causes a type of empty and stubborn intrigue that is hard to shake.
If they're a really shitty Bullshit Person they'll even go as far as making you feel crazy to ever think that they'd bullshit you. This happens all the time. In my personal experience, a Bullshit Person will be dead honest with you when you are one-on-one with them. When the time comes for you to hang out in a group scenario they act completely different. And by 'completely different' I mean conniving and petty. If you confront them about it after the conclusion of the group gathering, they will only get defensive and rude.
It is not worth getting frustrated with someone unless you care about them enough to resolve the issue and maintain harmony, but why would you care that much about a Bullshitter anyway? Right? It is normal to get frustrated with someone you care about but it isn't, however, normal to get frustrated with some random motherfucker.

RULE#2: Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut around Bullshit People.

Bullshit people quietly keep tabs on everything you say and will end up using it against you in some future quarrel or debate in a very hurtful and immature way. They will twist your words regardless of how articulate you may be. On the downside this may cause a Bullshitter to become extremely infatuated with you for not giving into their bullshit. It can be a dangerous scenario resulting in threats of suicide or stalking. I wouldn't worry too much about it, since these are extreme and rare cases. Most Bullshitters know enough to stay away from people who Keep It Real anyway.

RULE#3: Do not expect anything from Bullshit People.

A person with severe Bullshit Disorder may deny their actions outright. They will act as though they don't remember key information or events. I stress caution here because they may be telling the truth. Bullshit People never listen or pay attention to anyone besides themselves, so they may be honest when saying that they don't remember.
As a sidenote, Bullshit people will always let you down when you are struggling. They will also always have an excuse as to why they couldn't be there for you. They will forget your birthday, tell your secrets and take every opportunity to get ahead, even if it means stabbing you in the back or using you as a ladder.
Rejection is also a common exercise of a Bullshit person because any kind of real relationship, whether it be friendship or otherwise, scares the living bajesus out of them. Relationships to them equals useless responsibility, wasted effort and opportunities lost. People who think about relationships this way are unhealthy. Relationships are what make life grand and worth living. It is from relationships that we have experienced deep-wheeze laughing, heart-pounding intimacy and tear-jerking comradery.

RULE#4: (The exception to Rule#3) Expect Bullshit people to always rely on gender stereotypes.

There was once a time when men and women could all sit around in big groups and shoot the shit and get along and hang out. I remember these times and my parents remember these times because they were great and fulfilling. Platonic relationships are dying because most human beings have converted to a Bullshit Way of Life. The Bullshit Way of Life consists of constant blame, shallow insecurities, excuse-making and most of all, gender stereotyping.
It is easy to pick the Bullshitters out in your groups of friends. They are the ones always shooting their mouths off about how "girls say they want to talk when really they just want to bitch" and how "guys are jerks because they don't know how to listen". These personality flaws are not gender specific. If a person doesn't know how to communicate by their mid-20's it's because they are socially inept due to their commitment to being emotionally retarded Bullshitters. Girls who Keep It Real don't enjoy bitching, they enjoy having stimulating and hilarious conversations full of insight and honesty. Guys aren't jerks because they don't know how to listen, they just don't want to listen to people nag about weak and gossipy nonsense.
It is also simply that Bullshitters are selfish and do not know how to care or give, which are also dying tendencies.

RULE#5: If Bullshit people are cluttering up your life, find ways to utilize them.

Bullshit people are like Bozo Bop Bags. It doesn't matter how many times you punch them out, they will always find ways back into your life. If you find this to be a consistent problem, do yourself a favour and learn their language. Once you have learned the Bullshitter's Language you will never have a problem hearing the pure voices of truthful and respectable human beings again - they will stand out like cherries on cheesecake.
Remember how you can't remember much from school? Well that's because school was boring and useless and their methods were all wrong. People don't learn anything when you try and teach them how to be. The key is to teach them how NOT to be. Bullshitters provide this. All you have to do is observe a Bullshitter from a safe distance and they will teach you the in's and out's of how NOT to be. The best part is that they will do it without even trying. And it's free! Free schooling! It is a win/win situation!

RULE#6: Bullshitters will always try and bring you down.

Picking a fight, snarky comments and discouraging gestures are all common tools for Bullshitters. You can spot them easily because when they try and insult you they will usually say something irrelevant like, "...yeah, well, nice fuckin' outfit...faggot" even if you aren't gay and you're just wearing jeans and a t-shirt. This is all followed by fake laughs and high fives to their fellow Bullshitters. They're pretty much just the jocks you grew up with in highschool who just forgot the growing up part. Not to fret, all the people who Keep It Real are still around. Maybe they're hiding in the underground. Maybe this note will help them come out. Just stick to your guns and surround yourself with ambitious and soulful people because Bullshitters don't give a shit about anything and you don't want to waste your time and efforts just trying to ward them off when you could be doing other wonderful things. And if you're still frustrated with Bullshitters, just remember and be happy that you aren't one.

french kisses and near misses

2009-04-24T15:27:00.002-04:00

versailles

heavy spells and heavenly hells

bells ringing deep inside your wells

shells ground down to sand hotels

with eggshell doors where faith rebels

a shining glimpse of pimps and wimps

you laughed at me when i limped

it gets so lonely as a chimp

sailing in this empty blimp

you stopped crying so you could lie

but that's okay, here's a reason why

shy flies rely on shit to fly

and Goodbye's the spy who couldn't sigh

my drawings

2009-04-15T23:27:00.000-04:00

This is the Triumphant Byam showering her shelter over humanity.

This is Dudley and Trizzal. They are brother and sister. Trizzal beat up Dudley and blooded her ears so Dudley whipped out a sideways double-heel karate kick to Trizzal's stomach and he burped up a jellyfish. Then Dudley, Trizzal and the jellyfish, whose name is Peter, rolled around on the floor and laughed until they turned all shades of red.

my drawings

2009-04-15T15:54:00.000-04:00

This is Zultan the Manipulator.

This is Bobby Blueballs. He prays a lot.

This Batty-Louise. She works the graveyard shift, if you know what I mean.

my drawings

2009-04-11T14:53:00.000-04:00

This is how I feel sometimes when I get frustrated with stupid jerkoffs that don't appreciate anything.

I love old jazz. This is me at the Jazz House.

my drawings

2009-04-11T14:47:00.000-04:00

This is a Zabarfartington. A Zabarfartington is a creature that comes and nibbles on your heart when you are lonely. It hurts. People with hearts all have one. I sowed mine's mouth shut so he would refrain from the nibbling. I named him Hubert and am currently teaching him how to feed on more appropriate organs. If he can't learn I intend to release his lips, sharpen his teeth and send him to one of my enemies.

This is a Loobakey. They are rapists.

This is what bad luck feels like.

This is the face of a man I met once, somewhere. He was sad. His nose looked like an elephant's foot.

The Cloud-Eater makes everyone happy. He chomps on all the clouds for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

omit nothing

2009-04-02T22:27:00.001-04:00

the cure of allure

caught between the bridges of boredom's zen
that lead to a maze,
unaided
i am the egg that hatched inside the hen
despondent, dazed
warm and jaded

there is a mouse constricted
around the corner
it's skull crushed by natural law
and there, a foreigner
her legs flap open
eating and cheating

the jaws of the unworthy cause

and where am i except oblivion?
maybe second-place or purgatory
and clean
so squeeky, redundant, thick and mean

my sister-egg floating
unknowing, downstream

this organic balance serenades my seeds
and softens my thorns
my skin, so blemished, so worn

any objection i once had is now silenced and sad
in withdrawal lies the joy i had

my mermaid slips through the clogged artery
the almighty dam
she begs me to think he likes me for who i am
then the beaver and i laugh like little lost lambs

we holler:
"what a shame...hahaha...what a sham!"
her breasts hidden with clams
and inside the hen
i swam

blub blub blub

2009-03-03T22:02:00.000-05:00

The Little Stone That Couldn't Sink

It was night-time, way across the world

In the Land of Utter Tastelessness

When a boy marched with ill-intent

He was drunk about a girl

A cluttered whore, nonetheless

His parched tongue quiet and bent

He was headed toward the Sea

Where he threw off all his clothes

To try and turn his rainclouds from grey to white

When he noticed an enchanted tree

And shivered down to his toes

When he saw the leaves sparkle in the moonlight

The moss that grew around it's trunk

Seemed to whisper and hum

As the night owls stared down

Then, out of the silence came some Fierce Funk

To remedy the blistered kingdom

That was his hometown

Behind the Funk came a bearded Voodoo Man

Who popped out of the branches

To offer words of Light

He said, "My needed name is Can-Do Sam,

And you're a dirty sanchez

But I understand your plight."

The boy didn't know whether to be offended or relieved

But continued to listen anyway

Since he was so desperate for the help

The more the Funk played, the more that he believed

But when the sun brought morning rays

The groove was interrupted by a serious yelp

"Look my boy! Look at all these stones!

They are all so sexy and full of charm,

When warmed with some grace!"

Though numb before, the boy felt things in his bones

And so, he extended both of his arms

And compassion softened his face

"Now pick one and hold it close to your soul

Let your heart decide which one to choose

And I promise you this,

That just like a lotus in a boat or a bowl

That stone will float and erase your blues

On the Waters of Bliss."

So the boy closed his eyes tight

And let the Magnets of the Universe pull

And soon he held a plain grey rock

He opened his eyes and growled in spite

"I got the ugliest one!" He yelled, angry as a bull.

"I should've known you were a crock!"

"Do you doubt my funky spirit?

Do you think that I would misguide you?

Or give a groove you couldn't jive to?"

But the boy didn't want to hear it

He was tired of being lied to and striving for things

That he didn't want to strive to

So, he threw the rock far out into the Sea

And stomped away without a blink

When Can-Do Sam twisted his head

To make him see what he needed to see

Elegant and rebellious, the rock floated with ease

Even though it was supposed to sink

And the boy realized that he'd rather be dead

Then let that rock float, lonely, in the Sea

why-flowers and forget-me-nots

2009-02-14T23:46:00.001-05:00

shivering livers

my romance started in a grocery store parking lot
and in a stranger's swimming pool where we got caught
by that old man in his own backyard just before dawn
tripping over false apologies and the lines we'd drawn

you grabbed my arm and pulled me into your chest
fully equipped with merlot and a warrant for your arrest
our clothes were soaked and our elbows were bruised
i couldn't tell if i was being wooed or abused

you sped me down main street to the park by the lake
the bike almost crashed because of how our skin ached
the danger disappeared when the wheels ceased to turn
your stoneface melting with every swig's burn

our kingdom awaited us, our names carved on the slide
the streetlights bathed us and the creeky wood cried
the swings were our thrones and our crowns, our pride
the days of smooth breezes and manic sly tides

we ran through the trees, away from our woes
jumped into the water without testing with toes
and i laughed when the joy sparked your passion
for leftfield rants on politics and fashion

existentially awkard and ashamed you were hit
earlier, by that fella at The Bar of Small Dicks
your shiner shinin' in that full august moon
i kissed what was bruised, too soft and too soon

i sure wasn't a woman and you sure weren't a man
despite visits to museums and walks hand in hand
i was embarrassed by your defeat but i stayed nonetheless
if you'd kept your pin in my grenade we could've avoided that mess

now we stand in a wide stream, still, in the crisp air of fall
sunlit orange and red leaves crumble like ancient brick walls
you want me but are in love with a thousand other girls
and i promised i wouldn't try and straighten out your curls

a song of mine

2009-01-18T06:30:00.001-05:00

i am the patron saint of lost souls

you be right and i'll be alone
i only want what i can own
i won't take what's not there
i'm a thief, a thief who's fair

(glory be)

i hit my head, real hard
gave up my home, let down my guard
can't remember how i fell,
or who i love - ah, it's swell

(glory be)

they say i killed seven girls
raped their mates and kept their curls
though i don't feel any guilt
i'm in this cage that they built

(glory be)

i watch them beat me and i wonder why
pride's so important beneath the sky

they put my mistakes on display
in townsquare, in the light of day
they all scoffed in disgust and shock
and taunted me with a key and lock

(glory be)

a pregnant mind, my dreams are wild
i could never guess the father's child
my mind is blank and my heart is full
i can feel it kick, i can taste the pull

(glory be)

"what fools they are", i sigh to the moon
to think their mistakes won't hit them too

and don't pointed fingers know so well
the twists and turns that lead to hell?
"forgive me father for i have sinned"
i whispered with ease as i grinned

(glory be)

my skin, it changed, one moonlit night
slipped through the bars and out of sight
and now i'm free, though pushed away
rejection is a small price to pay

(glory be)

the past seven me's didn't have to die
said they'd redeem me if i could cry
but pretty faces shouldn't pry
and god, oh, god, you should've tried

down there you can't hear my song
singin', "i was truth, to be so wrong"
as i'm floating above the mountain's peak
he tries to joke, tears choking speech

you paid to have me crucified
you thought i'd rise and be your bride
so, you be right and i'll be alone
my back is turned, i found my throne.

(glory be)
(glory be)
(glory be)

that's what i hear

2009-01-18T05:06:00.001-05:00

wandering children of rare breeds

that's you, not enough

my broken tooth
you'd think joy
would glide alongside
truth

instead, happiness' bastard child
strolls wild with commerce

and they tell me to move on
and prove i'm gone
they tell me with wide grins,
winks, gestures and pins

drunken, slobbery passes
that lose their molasses in a rush
and you just begin to feel,
taste, smell and gush
ugliness

and oh, the depths
how very unappealing
all that work
revealing
all the sacrifice
all the kneeling

no sorry's,
the only glory that's stuck
with me for weeks
is a line,
whispered by an
old, blind gentleman:
"i was only free
when i was in love."

and that i better be willing
to steal, cheat, lie and deny myself
to hold a man down

that i better catch the light the right way
that i better wake up looking lovely
that i better calm down
that i better not shake the ground
that i better not point out elephants in small rooms
that i better not crawl toward the fever

because then
i will not receive anything
from the weaver

i look in the mirror and neglect the griever
and when my hope is the
only part of me that is awake
i elope with myself on tippy-toes
and i blurt out a stern "no."

no, to your conditions

fuck you to those conditions
fuck sitting around and wishing

and that's me, too much

oh my god, i'm a girl

2009-01-17T09:29:00.000-05:00

my little prayer

i was meant to be loved, inextricably
and without apprehension
i was meant to be held, firmly
more specifically at the hip
and by the hand

i was meant to be paid attention to
without interruption
and i was meant to pay attention in
return
to give and to nurture
heart, pleasure and loyalty

so tell me now,
why am i constantly bombarded
by the Sons of Cowardice?
why do you test me,
if not just to break my spirit?

i am aware that i am
incapable
of being more aware
than my brain allows me to be

it is good for everyone
when i am adored
everyone will win
when i am adored
so don't break my spirit
anymore

"i'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. i make mistakes, i am out of control, and at times hard to handle; but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
- marilyn monroe

"if you think i'll let you pull me down to
your third class communication
and bulldoze over all my sensitivities,
you've read me all wrong."
-bjork

the plague of beauty and people who act like their shit don't stink

2009-01-10T08:46:00.001-05:00

the butcher's fairytale

i lash myself when there's no one else around
guilt like a herd pounding on the gorge's ground
dug up a tombstone with a dynamite stick
blew up the flowers and did a magic trick

i could peel her cosmetics off like a layer of fur
she buys things she loves 'cause no one loves her
a cheese grater scraped her face, she didn't even bleed
a broken shield, crumbling, from a rose to a weed

judgment is a tidal wave with a strict protocol
we follow what is false, now its engraved in our skulls
deep distortion, an old religion, slithering into the Agenda
el carnicero escribió nuestras oraciones en su trastienda

the real ugliness is not in your wrinkles or your scars
but it may be in the twinkle in the eyes of the stars
for the envy it extracts and the delusions it does cause
morale goes deaf quickly, drowning in loud applause

approval from the masses has rarely been quite right
so, why do you feel pressure to be accepted in their light?
fashion got greedy, you're not yourself but you belong
to a Majority of Emptiness without loyalty or song

and still, no one swoons over the disfigured face of a boy
whose father beat him 'til there was nothing left to destroy
or the girl who was raped and therefore without purity
is she dirtier than you, watching celebrities in obscurity?

how will your clan recognize you if you mute your true tones
and water down the words humans crafted out of moans?
our brains took gibberish and made language out of clutter
and your main concern is your consumption of butter

so, bring me the disfigured boy and the girl who was violated
send me the broken, the hated, the sad and sedated
the fat and the ugly and the gassy pimple-popper
the disregarded, the unwanted and the delightfully improper

we'll start an army of truth; their products, we'll steal
weakness revealed when they lose the power to conceal
we can gather their perfumes and use it as fuel for flame
to burn their fancy shoes and their airbrushed shame

and think of all the resources we'll be able to save
when the demand for supply digs it's own grave
animal testing would end and silence the protestors
farmers would be kings, not slaves or mad jesters

the vain running to reclaim what they so desperately need
only to find their monstrosities unveiled as they plead
"we are our obsessions; give us back our possessions!"
but there will be nothing left to nourish their deceptions

just a big jumble of bodies, all bare and revealed
a mess of confusion in a dewy green field
beauty will then be judged by the way a soul glows
and the luminosity of justice will prevail and expose

as it were intended, we'd be barefoot and nude
no worries of being rejected, no reason to be rude
we'd see each other and realize we're birds of a feather
laughing around the fire, just us and the weather

when sabotage is an innate ability

2008-12-30T06:59:00.000-05:00

'til that well runs dry
i keep pacing around from room to room
expecting a seed of him to bloom
it has turned my heart into a broom
sweeping a tomb with ugly fumes

i'm waiting for him to come travel with me
to weigh down my blues with symmetry
sailors used to make ships out of trees
that was when it was hard to cross seas

i see a truck, a soft bed in the back
us laying together drawing our own maps
we'd erase inhibition and our tracks
making love between sweltering naps

we'd make fires on beaches and shower in streams
follow only our guts and the moon's beams
coming up for a breath, swimming in dreams
sowing our seams by our own means

we'd catch our own fish and pick our own fruits
roll around in the mud without clothes or boots
i'd bring a fancy dress and he'd bring a suit
a grand staircase would appear out of some roots

and at the top we'd find a canopied dancefloor
an empty ballroom waiting right next to the shore
mister redding's lullabies warning us to adore
before wells run dry and windows turn to doors

we may quarrel if we get lost or scared
and scars may be the only proof we shared
spinning the bottle, in the truth i'd dare
to stare through the fire with a bare prayer

and a melody would come to me right before sleep
and the world may despise us for the secrets we'd keep
we'd weave around each other and the honey would seep
like the courage it takes to see darkness and leap

and he would recognize the touch of my small hand
when he grabbed it out of hunger or to reprimand
i could steer my own canoe back to the white sand
if i could mould him out of water and see some land

"you don't miss your water 'til your well runs dry"
-otis redding

you better stop and think about whatcha doin

2008-12-25T21:49:00.001-05:00

my pen

i sit in a throne facing an army of doubt
despite my weakness i will not change route
i'll find reasons to cry to cure their drought
lest my fury turns them into my clout

i'll hear their jargon of commonplace things
those trends, those toys, those loose wedding rings
ambiguous hearts, infidelity stings
definitions misplaced, like strength in kings

insults begin where recognition ends
lack of passion dictates and wrongly defends
they scratch the surface dumbfounded and yelp
so quick to fixes and crutches for help

i'd shake their hands but their hands are paws
chimps getting off on ridicule and brawls
blind to perfection and it's purest flaws
whilst pride stands tall and honour falls

so, i'll feel my body and i'll count the scars
in lilac breezes, i'll swim in the stars
distract them with noise, drugs and bright cars
and i'll fill up all my piggy bank jars

their houses are neat but their homes are bleedin'
judgment is intuition, holidays are freedom
making love turns into a chain through breedin'
as teachings are more like legal proceedings

slobbers are kisses and touches are cheap
comfortable fools, you sow what you reap!
stand on your head, claim the hill's too deep
waters are steep so just go back to sleep

perpetuate cycles that could've died
a long time ago but you always replied
your brides turned into the thorn in your side
your spoon was too full and your mouth, too wide

they whine in still boats when they could just row
they need bread but they just stare at the dough
they strut and yet they have nothing to show
except high credit, divine debts in tow

ladders of bodies that reach to the sun
the ones at the top will burn what they've won
anyone near the ground can choose to run
but guns are sticky and easily spun

the armour awarded, the maker ignored
the adored hoard what the poor can't afford
they've seen millions of shields washed up on shore
but they have not beheld the sight of my sword

bing crosby, tomorrow

2008-12-11T08:40:00.002-05:00

punched in the throat

i heard a heartbeat that never ended
no thump unnamed, no moment unblended
a splendid high-pitched frequency
i learned from it's fullness
i am frequent,
see?

howling
and growling on the hill,
there is nothing i can't trap
and kill

spilling will is the deepest bliss
so,
be still when you aim and miss

try that but, kindly,
don't try this
fists can't hurt a masochist

no one knows a valuable thing
unless they bring a potent sting
a fight happening outside
the ring
moments win what futures bring

whisper, love
my goosebumps sing
on my neck,
through my wings

trembling as a dream tells
a king from boys (who are deep wells)
lifting hands out of shells
i fell
oh, mother,
my heart swells!

and it all makes me wish one wish
that he were a worm on a hook and
i, a fish

my wounds are all
healed and kissed
the bluest flame burns my wrist
branded,
the pleasure is readily missed
this time,
the blow made me hiss

make me shiver and i'll dismiss
that beating that was
so unearned
my nerves throb,
they exist

a knob turns and i swerve
caught with an expression so lost
and curved

tears falling expecting demise
for a long moment, so frantic
the prize
a romantic waiting to be cut down to size

then,
extending, holy

is his hand to my weary face
grace slips low and races
to the vast and jaded space

a masochist surrendering
as fingers start to trace
hands sweeping skin
so lightly
tumbling into embrace

to let go of my pace
and the fumbling of the night
a hand holding a face
and a
frenzied
tender
bite

today, miles davis

2008-12-11T08:26:00.001-05:00

one of the following

slow
blossom
lotus
show us
fool, pour your liver out
dying inside and out
after
your full beauty reigns
switch lanes
bodies
deserving water
getting hotter
watch veins decay
don't stay
i became cruelty
i am a mule beside a tree
i got what i wanted
every time
i grin,
no cheap smirk
i climb
just knowing
what works
you may sparkle
you may glow
but what do you know?

what do you know?

death spares
keeper of lies, her
dagger stares
waddle down your vines
you're doing lines
show me your wrists
your lists
you need ointment
and many appointments

gave it up
before
awareness
unpopular insecurities
now, ashore
rolling in dirt
layered mess
thick mud
looks like chocolate
dull spike
if honesty were king
and no one
ashamed
we'd sing desperately
our tongues
hanging
needy and insane

i danced

2008-12-10T23:26:00.001-05:00

my childhood bedroom

Flames dance with feathers while muscles knot up
Time remembers ribbons are always caught up

Bamboo reminds me to grow far around
When echoes and slow motion hear what I found

Light bubbles and shades curtain a spilt man
Obsessive and torn, smoke does what it can

Faded photographs and unread books
Concepts forgotten and distracted looks

Candles, quilts and flags dance free but proud
Empty white walls are disturbing and loud

Shadows and crystal balls give a great peace
Wondering how a page feels to catch a sharp crease

My missiles hang on display like dead warriors on floors
Covered in rose pedals behind all my closed doors

an oldie

2008-12-04T00:15:00.002-05:00

To Cupid

The blackest muds were turned severely red
The darkest days and nights fought by the dead
The misty silhouettes of fire and smoke
Erased the soft light to which we once woke

The number of times love letters were sent
From the heavy-hearted, on cracked cement
The number of days they waited in vain
Drifting off as wounds turn into thick stains

A man will grow up once he’s gone to war
Good women know that that is what they fight for
Some stay because it's too hard to come home
Men like this deserve to live their life alone

And so sunsets burn and the dawn is crisp
A fight is no fight if not fought with the fist
But how many cowards must I collide with
Before love is more than a puddle of spit?

If love does live and sees past these egos
Then why do you sit there sinking in woes?
Those who dive head first seem ill-rewarded
And The truth 'tween lovers is always contorted

Seeking out the one who meets needs the best
Is sought by seekers who can’t pass the test
The ones deprived of true love’s silky caress
Echoing in a desert full of emptiness

Lovers who’ve accepted execution
And cowardly names wrapped up in conclusions
Just to stay true to a secret two share
This is for the ones who 're vulnerable and bare

Accepting the arrows you shoot with ease
While you smile at those who 're best at the tease
Rage swooning over a branded empty heart
All because cowards can’t finish what they start

And so gaze at the bombs shooting ‘cross the skies
If smoke and dead soldiers answer your 'why's'
And now there’s no polite or civil way to explain
You're only a track and love is a train

zero in, zero out

2008-12-03T19:14:00.001-05:00

mister empty mailbox

dear mister empty mailbox,

what did i ever do to you?
there's a thousand things
to tell my baby
and all are way past due

i want to tell him to be
naked as often as a pearl
it can cure anyone of anything
it can turn an oyster into a girl

i must also remind him to
not let his hands get too rough
easy times come in between
the moments that are tough

eating fruit in the shower
will make him whistle and hum
it may even make him shake
his juicy plum bum

beside me, he was a tower
so maybe you could understand
that i need him just as bad
as you need the mailman

even when the lights were dim
he would stand tall and quiet
we'd crawl at each other's feet
whispering hymns amidst riots

sweat all salty, juices so sweet
i hope he remembers it all
i know men can be forgetful
and a memory can be like a wall

most women try to hold men back
they make sure he's comfy and stuck
fed enough to not have to hunt
they find his flaws and pluck and chuck

but if you understand that a man's heart
is a conquerer and a troubadour
and standing in his way will only
turn him around to face the whores

then maybe you could comprehend
how it feels to melt into the floor
to take your core and bore it until
it is loveless, ugly and sore

another door with another mailbox
waiting just as you do now
you are replaceable and unnameable
as a vow of sweat upon his brow

he has eyes for beautiful things
and you just collect junk
open your lid you fickle thing
and no ship will be sunk

he needs to read my words
and touch paper that i've kissed
walking slowly through each other's minds
in the fogs and in the mists

2008-10-29T04:21:00.002-04:00

i am not perfect on purpose.

and at once, i will be turned into light

2008-10-29T02:32:00.000-04:00

finally, divinely

sleep and dreams,

take away these

thoughts

that drop my

every

anchor

take them far away from me

they have become

my canker

whisp me into

the abstract

where a man is able

to love

only one

shut off my ears

the silence of the night has

wrenched me

undone

cradle me in a soft veil

of forgiveness

and of love

let men mistake the two

no more

below is as above

no more tossing

in my bed

it forces all warmth out

no more reaching

without touching only

severe doubt

no more

rubbing my eyes

out of frustration

and of grief

loneliness is palpable

and

i'm aware

that i'm a thief

haunt my hallways

no more

with my past

it didn't last for

a reason

and like your wisdom,

my mind

is vast

allow me to comfort you

as well

burdens are your

property, i can tell

leave the world

to a mother

we can turn our backs

for a while

let us play the way they play

going downstream

in the Nile

speak to me

you could do that easily

i would

absolutely

respond and appease

and since you've set

no one before me

perhaps

you'd prefer to keep me

for yourself

in this case

let's make love

i will slide off your

asteroid belt

dance with me

in the darkness

of a shadow's

storm

melting into

each other

your breath is sweet

and warm

pour the milky way

all down

my chest

take neptune's oceans

make them our

nest

lightly blow a comet

to come sweep me

off my feet

i'll hop on it from

saturn's rings and

kiss your

cold cheeks

lash a sun flare out

to wrap up my hips

slide down

a nebula and

suckle on my lips

fingertips

like the points on a star

dig into

our spines

in the red spot

of jupiter

a hot tub of sweet wine

venus's caramel is

a lovely strawberry dip

take a cloud

and forget the crowd

gravity needs

to get a grip

diving into the

velvet sapphire sky

devour my

senses but open

my third eye

our heads swept back

these blackholes appear

pull me away

no more from you

i only want you near

loyal bastards

2008-10-28T22:58:00.000-04:00

true to you

push, i will, 'til they're pushed over the edge

slowly, but surely, one tap at a time

ingrained in me is this sure-shot pledge

push, i will, when the pickin's is prime

at first you couldn't feel it, an echo, i was

something you knew but couldn't touch

you jolted a slap like when you hear a buzz

but no vermin survived my hand as such

i can do to a cockroach what a nuclear bomb can't

smush it into the ground, oozin' guts all 'round

i used to bring 'em home to my ma and she'd rant

i'd wrinkle my nose, show 'er what i'd found

layin' there, lifeless, like you do now

i'd poke at 'em, then feed 'em to my dog

he'd claw at it, bark, like he does to the cow

it'd distract ma enough, i'd escape to the bog

knee-deep in swamp, that's where i found you

man, you must'a really upset some ol' buck

you must'a been a biter and screamer too

if i was him, well darlin', i'd call that luck

but, i 'spose some fellers just don't play that game

so easily insulted, their feelin's all shoved down

if you'd ask me, dead girl, i'd say it's a shame

i'd turn them soggy weeds into a lovely gown

i'll find him after i place you in the ocean, dear

i'll ask him to dance and i'll grab at his pants

i'll make all the wrong things very clear

i'mma storm and tonight, i'mma take a chance

push, i will, 'til he's pushed over the edge

slowly, but surely, one rub at a time

ingrained in me is this sure-shot pledge

push, i will, 'cause the pickin's is prime

blowing off steam

2008-10-28T22:32:00.000-04:00

i've lost my angst, the ability to rebel

it cost the banks, i saw them swell

i took to the roads, i was lonely and alone

can't differentiate between my heart and a stone

i no longer take the chances i used to

cut the cords of passion i was fused to

now i am strictly business, only literal terms for me

the consistent hammering of the clock is rhythm to me

my world is grey, but in order, so i can't complain

any chance at love only looks like pain

so why put myself in that fickle place to woo

i, of course, am writing, but in this case, i'm you

now it's my turn

2008-10-18T14:26:00.000-04:00

allergies

the boohoos

of the misunderstood

beating them

to the chase feels too good

they slapped my hands

down on a marble table

cut off all my fingertips

and threw them

to the cradle

they tied rope around

my ankles and hung me

upside down

the blood was to drain

out of my hands

toward

the hounds

pockets have

never been so useful

while i get the flog

the worst part is that i can't scratch

the hives i got

from them

damn

dirty

dogs

solitude for two

2008-10-16T00:17:00.000-04:00

empty castle

what is this sorrow

missing things i never had

looking at the rain fall

like i was the first to be sad

longing for acceptance

and denying it when received

looking for a studying eye

to feel what i've conceived

the loss of identity and self

storing everything away

falling asleep to wake up

nights blurring into days

waiting for a departure time

grinding my teeth while i nap

at an airport on the outskirts

doubting the need for a map

the keeper of the waves

2008-10-15T14:12:00.000-04:00

a past life

every thick, heavy drop
of this roaring Scottish blood
thirsts to be swallowed
into emerald pastures

eyes for miles
and i am captured

fresh calm temple
you mercy breeze

oversized hearts
and he's

dancing with me
in front of our friends
wooden walls with knots
and bends

your raspy whisper in my ear
a peasant turned princess
remember the year?

no shame, no guilt, no nerves, no fear
the sky, your hunger
minds are clear

in the deep
bodhrán drum i drowned
but that is where i
found my crown

i couldn't afford a dress
in town, so that boy
covered me
like a gown

soft breath
on each other's skins

a fingertip made of pearl

dip me in your needles
and pins

let my urge for you unfurl
let it blossom the day
before you die
my will is strong, my knees are not
my heart, it races
and yet you lie
bare and naked and

about to rot
by a thousand years, my love
was late
Kintyre, i will always wait
you buried
his bones under the gate

Kintyre,
i will
always
wait

poof

2008-10-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

ain't no slave to you

just because you've made an assumption

and stormed off like you so often do

doesn't mean that an other is responsible

to explain the circumstances to you

i am too old to be chasing misunderstandings

and too young to use up all my time

on little girls who can't get enough attention

or see the rhythms in my rhyme

and now i say in the truest way i can

i was the best and i was loyal until the end

but the end has come much earlier

so there's no need to try and make me bend

so say farewell or don't, if you like

i'm sure it will all be explained in the light

i have no catchy lines of parting

or thoughts that seeing will give you sight

if anything i hope that you learn your beauty

and that you stop denying yourself a chance

people are not basement punching bags

waiting for you to ask them to dance

and no, i'm not going to thank you

for all the wonderful times we shared

i am going to walk away quietly

and slowly forget all that was declared

some people are great at spitting insults

some people are great at being nice

but when they call you self-centered

they themselves have become the lice

alex grey

2008-10-14T17:38:00.000-04:00

gravity is gravid

a point of view, like a point on a star

a thinking spot on a cliff from afar

overlooking an ocean, a sea of doubt

rejecting the guilt they try to dish out

i disagree and therefore i'm free

to be a change instead of a bee

to use my honey to cling to a liana

take their questions and point to Diana

i held it before i could see it's power

spoke of enormity at the step of the tower

used my fingers to crawl through thick fog

sent my mind west from berlin to prague

pulsating beneath me is a closed mouth

waiting to explode all over the south

the world is a bubble waiting to pop

all the electricity isn't going to stop

firing out of the wires like birds from a cage

our auras will swell and end all rage

rainbows revealed to penetrate our brains

no more bodily sorrow or aches or pains

stories will be told from our souls

no more power struggles or paying tolls

answers will be found at question's cost

no one will be judged for being lost

no words will be needed, only a tune

rhythms to dance to under the moons

erasing divides between colour and light

cosmic love will glow through the night

computers will burst into red flames

antennas will spin, we'll make it a game

resources will be sucked back into the earth

we'll joke about industry for what it's worth

harmony will not cease in quiet alone times

thoughts of destruction will comfort our crimes

if intimacy is at the core of creation

i will not be afraid to experience sensation

to take all i have and pour it into vibrations

i've accepted the infinite's offering of elation

to float in this spaceship of seeds and words

there is no self, just a bridge to the absurd

chang chang

2008-10-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

you're not alone when you're alone

my toes drag along the invisible routes i choose

and the hook attached at my sternum inflates my chest

like flags, my arms flail behind, they're limp and loose

and the cool breeze on my face makes this a valid test

contorted limbs and an unreadable expression

the telepathy and the melting, you're warm honey

a dance with saturn's ribbon and a fierce confession

may turn my iron heart all coiled and runny

intricacies and maps are denied without a thought

knife fights in a factory that manufactures silk

a razor to scrape the goo from my eyeballs is bought

you're in the fetal position suckling mother's milk

no bags to carry, just an empty pool to fill up

i'll sit on the street and wait for a milky way bus

no more sounds in the night of a jingling change cup

singing songs to myself out loud, some soft, some for us

family

2008-09-29T14:42:00.002-04:00

bitter

i said thank you for the ticket and the ride

and you threw it in my face

i tried to open your mind up, real wide

and you stared into space

i gave you my time and conversation

you gave me rolled eyes

i struggled with lust and temptation

your remedies were lies

you were happier without me around

then whined when i left

for not giving my plans any sound

you accuse me of theft

you want a medal for raising a child

you tried to turn into a trophy

but there are no rewards in the wild

only bug bites and a road fee

wires, ice and prison's price

2008-09-11T00:59:00.000-04:00

hanging on a kite tail

talking to statues

you should do what you want

do what you want

sometimes when you talk

your words are like velvet

i'm crawlin' on

scratchin' my back on velvet

and all the warnings and all the cures

could never be enough

to stop me

at all

and everyday, you let someone into your heart

you let a crowd control your voice

how do you ever know if you're saying what you mean?

thirty is one thousand and i've had a month alone

you're the most far away and it's all work

you've been on vacation

yeah, i'm doin' all the work

but now i find that life could be free

wouldn't have to pay for you

no more

tell yourself to fuck off

2008-09-06T03:31:00.001-04:00

say hello to hell and watch it burn

the bigger the ego, the harder the fall

the harder the fall, the less it will hurt

shock kicks in and then you sail

hail the chemical, let it squirt

your body don't like when the mind is ill

psychosomatic, it's only you

don't blame it on the devil's will

control the spirit and undo

welcome terror with open arms

and see how it subsides

it's confused, there's no alarms

only a sucker hides

playful hurting and bigtime lies

2008-09-05T15:22:00.001-04:00

hide and seek for adults

where to find love

it's not up, it's not down

not below or above

the sky or the ground

it's not in the kitchen

it's not in the tub

maybe it's switchin'

from bush to shrub

i checked the drawers

and in the backyard

between the floors

and under my guard

it's not in the woods

it's not in the fields

it's not in the goods

my hope still yeilds

i sniffed the grass

still! no luck

i smelt your ass

and jesus, fuck!

it sure wasn't there

here is some soap

to give up is fair

but don't you mope

maybe you'll find

in due time

another mind

you can mime

and if you don't

you'll be screwed

i probably won't

so swing my mood

in the park, on the slide

i drink spirits while i glide

try to see it for a ride

i tried my pride, then i lied

looked up at a star

and i figured out

i'm stuck in jar

so i can't sprout

i smash myself on a post

ouch, i say, as i boast

no one sees 'cause i'm a ghost

a narrator and a host

so i'll tell my stories

i suppose it's best

without the glories

and off my chest

third eye lullabies

2008-09-04T21:13:00.001-04:00

fight or flight

my body is a trap held up by spun wool

it itches and scratches and feels too full

i turn and breathe, foresight hurts

stability comes but only in spurts

the blood behind my skin whirls like a storm

drops to my toes and turns very warm

then, like death, it turns straight to ice

my pores raining, my hands like dice

the two hemispheres of my brain collide

one of them laughed while the other cried

i peel my face off of the bathroom floor

it's gone, but now, it's back for more

my face turned grey like a sky in fall

my head pulsates and i begin to crawl

there's a circus here, my heart the main act

elephants tortured, the bleachers packed

they pull my veins like wires from their place

they sew them to a dress all made of lace

my organs switch spots and my eyes roll back

i called out for help to the king, queen and jack

my frame swollen up now flattens to the ground

it's a joke to them, it seems, i have found

so i unravel my spirit up from my depths

collect all they've tortured and take two steps

my veins, they can have, my organs too

they'll squeeze my breasts until they're blue

perception is a tent that shakes and unzips

i stepped out the back and threw them my lips

skulls are protection from running into walls

i dropped mine beside my childhood dolls

my spirit emerged from the scorn and the piss

spinning and dreaming, i have found my bliss

inspired by my panic attacks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack

insomnia and jolts of energy

2008-08-29T02:04:00.001-04:00

the quiet knight who couldn't sleep

for leah

zebra's blacks and zebra's whites

either way, they're lonely stripes

awareness undermines the feeling

that is vain and vain is stealing

crickets cuddle up to me

beside my bed in circuitry

reading books to get lost

my heart is turning into frost

dogs who have cysts removed

points taken and points proved

everything hush in conversation

silence can be degradation

puddles cozying into the sea

a crisp autumn gown inside of me

a few pounds to shed and surely, yes

maybe i could wear that dress

to be seen and to be desired

like all little ladies who get hired

a useless job, still room to think

a quiet life, red wine to drink

a quilt distracts while it warms

i'm misinformed of social norms

get to, got to, get out soon

my oh my, i married the moon

black is dark and dark can't reach

white behind a fenceless beach

patterns are prisons to be cherished

zebra, darling, don't be embarrassed

face plants and all the latest fashions

2008-08-25T08:21:00.001-04:00

transit funeral

lest we lack reasons to look
i swear i took a moment, brief
and tall? me? no, Sir.
if it were, you might have something to worry about.
blue seats crushed all over doubt
when I look at you, in my head, from an empty bed
and insanity wished it made sense
hence, the struggle.
are you so troubled to understand and overhand
and deem doom due command?
alone, I
force my body up smooth, vertical walls
expecting no signs of breathlessness.
suspecting no lines of helplessness--
grains stacked like mountains pushed up by credit cards
not just snow-capped but low and
chapped lips roll licked down canteens full of confidence.

and daydreams spilling ambience to real situations
with real people, with real lives.
to hesitation with steal steeples and heel dives.
all this and how it matters, shatters, batters
the ladders I walk under rolling thunder
sucking colour out of my words
trends coming saying anti-anything
is absurd.

if it’s backwards, track birds and lay an egg
but stay
it needs warmth
it heeds faith

no back talk
no reflection
no critique
no objection

sanity sees solid souls
and all I see are holes, holes, holes.
can’t talk about things nowadays
too old fashioned to tear away
too much of this to sum up that
can’t say it all, so that is that.

try to start
grant us health
and watch us part
wealth holds the finest art
but broke we’ll be ‘til death lights dark

you’ll howl, hark, scream
skin on skin

behind towels, sharks dream
and chemicals react
so I conform
but smell the past
it’s warm, warm, warm.

we’re on a track
and trains come
and trains go
slow
I know, I know, I know.

manic romantic

2008-08-23T21:15:00.001-04:00

Manic Romantic

i only come out at night

haunting your dark hallway

for the Bloodlust and the Fight

for the Violent Ballet

solace in pain from childhood

Mother Sadism gave me my name

we fake rapes like the Wild would

Father Leader, it's only a game

I told him to tie me and pull my hair

to choke me with the hatred of the Higher Love

he fills my void and adores that it's there

now shadows are looming from the graves above

it only feels right when I know that it's wrong

repentence is a degenerate's job

I know what I know and I know it lasts long

I love my burn scars from the firey mob

Pleasure, honest bliss needs no silk from a rose

Aggression's cure puts my thorns to use

my submission screams truths that no one knows

I am Freedom, but Nothing without Abuse.

emotional blue balls and oopsy daisies

2008-08-23T04:49:00.001-04:00

passion's catch meets true love's match

love drawn in too harshly always leads to quick endings

it is worth more than a long relationship of frustration

what are you getting back from the time you are spending?

standing alone in front of a dark and windy bus station

and so careful, i am, to catch all the raindrops falling

so fast to clean up all the broken pieces sleeping on the ground

when this catch won't hold me back from all of my stalling

and passion's match is standing alone, just in a different town

fierceness and directness shying away in the bright lights

a proper place to live in some stranger's shoulder

for all that can't say it straight and who can't reach these heights

i will just go somewhere warmer and you can get colder

don't hate, masturbate!

2008-08-21T23:36:00.000-04:00

so last night i walked into the bar where my parents met, ready to dream up the scene where they caught each other's eye. i was trying to imagine the magic flying in the air. thinking that maybe if this bar hadn't been built, i wouldn't have been made.

two steps in the door and some guy straight up puked on me and my friend.

if they hadn't built that bar i wouldn't have been made OR puked on.

you win some, you lose some.

that's pretty much all i got today.

yo baby, what's up

2008-08-20T18:31:00.001-04:00

how to keep it real

please take a tip from miss carly marie

whats i gotta do for you to listen to me?

your animosity is my curiosity

my curiosity is your big anxiety

can't help myself when i feel behind

you can see what's in front by lookin up the line

but you can't even step out, you ain't got the time

do i need to point out the specifics of this crime?

i see it in your eyes and it burns how you yearn

you grit ya teeth, try to halt the world's turn

you take petty shit and you make it shine

ya can't be who ya are without talkin that grime

so cheesey, take it from me

you're a thief so it should come easily

whatcha lookin' for anyway?

perhaps a little bitta glory?

oh i heard this one before

and you're an old story

can you help it if you hate?

i can't help it that i'm great

still you slouch ya big grouch

and you wiggle iggle iggle like my slimy worm bait

scannin' my eyes across lake huron

it calms my hiss frizz bettah than hair serum

i came in the door singin elton john

and my pa ended the verse while singing through his yawn

yeah i got it good, i got it tight

take over the world, well son

i just might!

real pretty girls sometimes bother me

and ya'll turn around and say it's jealousy

but please dear sir, it's not cause of that

it's cause they rarely ever use they thinkin' caps

sometimes this world just chills my bones

i forget to stop and view it's undertones

the sound of a guitar, the beauty of colour

my baby, it's vision, now where is my brother?

someone'll always have less

would you care for anymore?

not sure what this world was put here for

still we laugh in the sun and spice up our food

yet some of these people still actin' so rude!

i don't stop like the stars, i'm shinin on

when i'm done here, i ain't dead, i'm movin' on

to a higher plain where i can fly and glide

would you like to accompany me in the sky?

we can lucid dream, no sides to this prism

underwater adventures and descending divisions

roadtrips with my best friends and golden shores

break dancin' and parties that rock ya to ya core

so compress the thoughts in ya skull

take one thing at a time and feel the lull

to stop yourself worryin about what they think

is to allow yourself to think what you really think

take some time for yourself to swim and sink

drain the hate from you pipes and find a brink

boy i betcha didn't think i could change my voice

just don't forget that change comes with choice

GET SOUL

________________________________________________________

who says a white girl can't rhyme?

sometimes i wish i lived in a b-boy paradise

and that a band of breakdancers would follow me around

and everyone is vibin and jumpin and spittin

and you could walk down the street and everyone was dressed in dope gear

eatin' pizza and drinkin' beer and writin' rhymes

i should write and direct a b-boy musical

A B-BOY MUSICAL

i don't pay attention to the news

2008-08-20T02:16:00.001-04:00

Carrying Her Curse

she’ll open the door with a welcoming smile and close it with a grin

she’ll take your medicine bottle and pour a few drops of poison in

she’ll give you a warm hug and slowly push a blade into your back

she’ll trip you while you’re running just to point out what you lack

she’ll hide her ill intentions behind a frameless impression of integrity

she’ll pretend that she is uncontrollably consumed by humility

she’ll put on a show and say the words, not knowing the definitions

she’ll say she had a feeling you would react that way, like a godly premonition

and of course,

she’ll be telling the truth, because why would she lie?

who would ever live that way? How cold and how dry!

she’ll claim she doesn’t remember all the insults she delivered

her memory, like her heart, all decayed and shriveled.

she’ll wonder why no one is around; what had she done wrong?

she’ll never self-actualize her doings until after so long

she’ll never clear the air because filth helps her breathe

she’ll be stuck in her own circus; it will be her disease

and then I look at myself and think

am I as vengeful as her?

what are these awful thoughts pouring into mon couer?

and I’ll know in my mind that I tried my best

to respect and to honour her from deep in my chest

to be loyal and trustworthy like it she was my Queen

after all,

she’s my mother and I ought to be green

still, she’ll never see the damage she’s caused

I showed her the bruises and she barely paused

she just stares at me blankly pretending to listen

she’s busy polishing her past, pretending it glistens.